And more positive thoughts…
Moving truck broke down a couple of miles before he reached his hotel for the night. So now he’s sitting on the side of the road waiting for roadside assistance. I hope they can fix it quickly so he can get some sleep tonight. Otherwise it will be a long night of moving everything to a new truck.
I feel helpless and on the verge of a breakdown.
My husband is on the road driving cross country to move his parents belongings out here. The trip has not gotten off to a good start. There’s been numerous mishaps and it’s only day 1. Really hoping we just hit all obstacles today and the next few days will go smoothly.
I’m scared, worried, stressed, and just want my husband home safe. But the in-laws are here while he’s making the drive so I’m trying to hold it together and smile on the outside so that they don’t worry/stress more.
I have never wished for a Monday to come quickly as much as I’m hoping this one does.
Here’s to prayers and positive thoughts that the worst of the trip is over.
Got a really crappy night of sleep because I kept worrying about a stupid work event that I got thrown in charge of planning for next week. Kept waking up thinking of what still needed to be done, what should be done next, and trying to figure out solutions to some of the problems that have come up in planning this damn thing. I got up earlier than usual and actually logged into my work email and work Facebook account so that I could follow up on some stuff in hopes it would ease my anxiety. Instead it just frustrated me more (seriously, what grown woman sends an email 4 days after the RSVP deadline inquiring about the “logistics” of the event?!? She hasn’t even RSVP’ed!!!). Ugh.
I need to shut my mind off. Just get through this event and then I can be done with that job. I shouldn’t even be stressing this much considering I have no intention of returning to this job next year, but I hate the idea of looking like a slacker and/or incapable of doing something.
Please Lord just get me through this next week. Next Wednesday evening can’t come soon enough.
Last night was the memorial for our friend. It was harder than I imagined. There was a slideshow of pictures at the end and it was so hard to see him looking so full of life and so happy. There were so many with him and our friend who passed away in a car accident last summer…it was a brutal reminder of all we have lost recently. So many pictures of him with one of his best friends, my husband….so many with his wife…and so many of him and his almost 2 year old daughter. My heart broke for all of them. While I am sad to lose another friend so young, I am devastated for the others dealing with this loss. His daughter who is too young to even begin to understand why her daddy is around anymore. Made me think about how hard it was for me to lose my dad when I was in my twenties…at least I have memories of him to hold tight to…his daughter will have no memories of her own. His wife who is 22, raising a daughter alone, and widowed. I can’t even begin to imagine her pain. It all hit me harder than I thought it would.
After the tears came determination to move forward. To learn, grow, laugh, love, and live. We will face more hard, sad times in the future…there’s no stopping it. The least we can do is make sure we are making the most of each day, being the best friends and people we can be, and doing our best to live with no regrets.
So, here’s to you, Al, and to your beautiful, sweet little family you leave behind. Forever remembered and loved.
Haven’t been on Tumblr much the past few days. Work has been really busy and I am still trying to get caught up, while also dealing with personal stuff…
Our friend passed away yesterday. We knew it was coming, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Although all the doctors said there was no chance, I guess deep down you’re always holding out for some kind of miracle. He didn’t get that miracle. I’m glad he’s no longer in the incredible amount of pain he was in, but it’s weird to think that we’ll never see him again. People are posting on Facebook about how he “lost his battle with cancer.” I hate that phrase…makes it sound like he didn’t try hard enough or wasn’t strong enough to “win” a fight. He fought for almost two years. He went through countless chemo and radiation treatments. He did everything he could have done. He didn’t lose a fight. He didn’t fail…the treatment options failed him. He didn’t lose anything…he lived the best he could given awful circumstances.
I want to help his wife, but the truth is I have no idea what to do. I can’t imagine being widowed at 22. I can’t imagine raising an almost 2 year old daughter on my own….a daughter who will never know or even remember her father. That breaks my heart. I know there isn’t anything that can fix this or make it all better for her. All I can really do is be there for her and continue to be there for her when others start to return to their normal, everyday lives. Help her pick up the pieces and figure out the next step.
Definitely puts things into perspective. Complaining about all the small trivial things seems pretty pointless right now.
The only thing that makes me feel powerful now is to just love harder. I don’t just say, “I love you”…I live in a way that leaves no room for doubt. I have stopped waiting to go after the things I want because I don’t know if I have time to wait. I make peace with my life every day and am grateful for what I have every night. I live and love the hell out of my life because that is empowering in a way that buying loads of anti-bacterial hand soap is not. I feel a little pang of fear every time he and I say good-bye to each other, but I’m comforted by the fact that we’ve said and lived our “I love yous.” We say good-bye because there’s nothing else we need to say; we both know and appreciate exactly what we have. We may go to bed angry sometimes, but we try not to leave the house that way. We are laughing in the face of danger every day. The best I can do is be sure we’re laughing.
Yes complement, not compliment. A person who accentuates your true personality, who adds fuel to your fire. Someone who can help teach you things you could never learn on your own. The one who sparks your creativity and challenges you to do better and be better.
The key to a strong, happy relationship.